today i woke up and i took a look around
i realized being a kid was almost up and that real life would kick in,
neglecting that fact that this is real life.
and i thought about how the future would be.

would i still hang with the same friends...
would i be here in hawaii or some other place...
would i be happy there, and if so why...
would i have new friends...

and these thoughts kept flying through my head.
and then i realized...

the more i sat around thinking of things to come the more of the
precious time i was wasting.
you only live once according to some people
and id really like to make the most of the time ive got to be a stupid, irrational, fuck up.

or quite simply put
a kid.

this thinking ultimately led me to a subject most thoughts lead me to. girls.

oh you foolish boy, you have far better things to think about.

that i do, but most things come back to this point, so why not just go witht the flow.
well last night turned out to be not only a very boring night, but a slightly dpressing one.
the night started out shitty when i called a friend, a girl, and she bassically pours her emotional baggage on me. in these situations im pretty alright, i can help out from time to time when i really feel like it. so she tells me her crap and she bassically asks me to decide who she should date. should i mention this is a girl i liked for a bit or did you already guess that. i think that singular point in time is when my night turned to shit. so she says shell call me back

bullshit

yes youre right, she never calls back. its like some kind of deformity in her brain, but it doesnt matter to me cause i didnt really want to converse with her anymore.
so i decide to take a walk through our beloved towncenter, home to drug dealers, perverts, and all around wierd people. i see a few faces i know so i stop to say hello on my journey through towncenter. then atomic missle number 2 is dropped. i make the mistake of asking who a particualr friend is doing, she tells me shes with a girl i aksed out, and bassically stood me up.
now i think you get the gist of what kind of night this has turned into. i should mention that after she stood me up, not a word was spoken between us, nice yeah. wellthat severely severed any ties with trying to bring this night to a turnaround. so ia make a hasty retreat to my car to "get the hell outta there". i decided to stop for a while, in which i saw her again, which again dramatically lessens any chances of me enjoying the night. so i decided to meet up with the gang. at a pool hall. i dont want to go into details about that but i smelled like smoke all night.

oh and a side note, i hate it when people ask you whats wrong and then walk away.
so when anyone asks me now i just say"nothing" or " im just tired". cause i know they really dont care.

so then were at a friends house and im stuck in the house with 3 girls. id like to say this now, but girls can be quite mean. we are sitting and someone decides to bring up the girl from the beginning. and then each of the three girls take a turn at why they dont like her. and this goes on for what, about 10 minutes. then one of the girls decides to ask," dont you like her". i decide not to answer. then another girl decides to answer for me. "he does, but she doesnt like him back" and now im pretty sure you can see bone in the cuts they are making. i decide to tell them i dont like her anymore, which i should state is true. then they decide to change the subject again, this time about another girl, but this one is their friend. they start the change by asking me [do you still like_______]. again i dont not grace them with an answer, knowing well enough they know the answer, and that they will probably tell her i still like her. then they decide to say who she likes, and about her saying shes"making progress". i should also state the guy is a friend of mine. so having to lay witness to this is not only emotionally disturbing, but also mentally irritating. 2 of the girls left on a bike adventure and me and the other girl just played with our cameras.

id say at the end of the night before i went to sleep, i was in the negatives in an emotional perspective and mental one.
i hate life.